"Hi, ok a little more substance than hi. Hi! You're so hot that I would let a blind, epileptic man shave my entire body with a hunter's knife, then ride a pool noodle through shark and piranha-infested waters with Carrie's bucket of pork blood balanced on my head, just to get the chance to purchase your bikini bottoms after they've been donated to Goodwill unwashed and let hang for five years. Hi!"
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